Hearts Broken by Time

Horse Studies

I’ve been wanting to finish the series on healing ritual programming and abuse. Eventually, I will. But I feel there is something more important than this procedural process to undo what evil has been done.

These times have been hard. I’m not sure when it started exactly, all I know is that it was somewhere long ago. All of us our whole lives have been existing inside this sphere of manipulation and corruption. Even the very healthiest and well-protected of us are unknowingly deeply tarnished by the pollution of spiritual disease.

I’m sure if we had the choice we would all prefer total and complete healing from all our demons and our pains. If it were a place that would be the first stop where we would get off the bus if we could. Yet here we are still riding the bus, looking out the window for what has been lost.

I’m not sure if we ever fully find a home while on this Earth. The longer this life goes on, the more I come to see that the smallest thing I can do is leave little pieces of heaven behind for others.

In my impatience for God to act, I see that I desire that God makes his kingdom come now. That once and for all he changes this shit hole world into a place we all so desperately want to live upon. But across these generations for some reason unbeknownst to us, he has forgone that day for another time.

So many of us in our difficulties hope that he will take all our pains away once and for all. The pains that drive us to act out that which encourage us to sin. Still, here we are as broken humans living under the dominion of those who have done the breaking. Here we are wondering if maybe God has forgotten about us and if the very best inside of us has persevered through this nightmare for naught.

These last few years have been brutal. Even for me. The depravity of this world has taken a significant toll on the emotions of my heart. Seeing the number of senseless actions against the aged and the youth all in the name of money and power has made me sick to the core.

These crimes against humanity are not on a small one-off scale but have contributed to a massive spiritual whirlwind made of abject evil.

Children are trafficked across borders for political and criminal gain. The governments are enabling parents to inject their children with a poison gene therapy. Therapists are sending those in their care to get their bits and pieces cut off so the child will feel ‘happy’. The world has been a slave to the lender for 100s of years. A rapacious lender whose appetite cannot be fulfilled; that feeds on the children, our good nature, and strangles out the glory which belongs to God alone.

There is no mistake about the massive number of victims out there. These sex slaves are compartmentalized into small cubical jail cells as they wait for their next scheduled appointment. Whose smiling faces hide sad eyes longing for someone to come rescue them. The destruction feels at times overwhelming and the deliverance insufficient to cope with the many who appear to continue to carelessly paddle towards hell.

It can be difficult to maintain hope. Many people become black pilled. Cant blame many who choose to stay in happy ignorance. Golf and yachting are great escapes from the terrors of this world, yet I know there are many who do not have that luxury.

Many of us after standing up to fight hoped others would come and fight alongside us. Only to find that there is little to no one standing next to you in this battle. Losing friends and family members when all you were trying to do is save lives. Isolating indeed and even more costly to our hearts.

You know? Maybe, God has a plan after all. That this plan is not found in rescuing your fellow human. But the plan was for you to find a greater experience of God’s grace within you. The point was not to get out of this easily and for things to go back to normal, it was so that you could grow in intimacy with him. An intimacy that only develops when your ability to carry on depends solely on him. If in the end, these challenges lead to our demise, our dependency on him must be even more realized. As often and as daily I’ve felt like I’ve never deserved him; I’ve found that even in my gravest errors he has never left me. Even when I feel like I should punish myself for my sins and walk away, he has never held it against me and instead implores me to stay.

I’m not sure what exactly this evil is that is manifest in the world. One thing for sure is that I know it is here in a strong way. As much as we try to sanctify ourselves from it, I’ve come to realize that has sunk its claws into all of us in some way or another. It is powerful and it is relentless. In my own strength I know I cannot hold onto any glimpses of good any longer. There are many times when I become blind to the truth. Still, in my desperation, Jesus patiently is always there to pick me up and brush me off. He has an absolute understanding of my suffering. In this suffering, I’ve learned what we truly mean to him and how much I long to go home and leave this shit show behind. It is peculiar that there is an innate part of us that knows this is not how things are meant to be. Because of this, I will believe that it will not always remain this way. So until then, I will rest in him who loves me as broken and powerless as I am. For me, that is enough and I trust that he will take me through what I need to get through.

So you need to ask yourself if you find yourself a broken person in this world. What if he does not make right all the things that were stolen from you? If you leave this world sooner than later, is he enough for you? Will you allow him to fill the space of your deepest longings?

We long for another place, for this is not our home.

Philippians 3:20 

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it, we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

God Bless, I’m sorry for all that happened to you. It was not your fault. If I could take the pain away I could. The truth is that I hurt too and am trying just the same to make it through. So maybe I cannot take away the pain, but I will hold your hand in the meanwhile.

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